I Did It My Way
by sammygirl1963
Summary: John's thoughts on watching his boys at the hospital just before turning himself over to the YED. This is a short songfic inspired by LovingDean's video titled MY WAY. Spoilers for In My Time of Dying.


**I Did It My Way**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Winchester's or anything else recognizable in this video. I also do not own the rights to the song **My Way **by Elvis Presley. The song was written by Paul Anka.

**Author's Note: **This oneshot is a songfic inspired by **LovinDean's** video called **MY WAY **on **youtube**. If you get the chance, you really need to check out the video. It is awesome.

**SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN**

_And now the end is near  
So I face the final curtain  
My friend, I'll say it clear  
I'll state my case of which I'm certain_

As John stood outside the door watching his sons, his heart ached to know that he would soon be leaving them. He couldn't just stand by and let Dean die, not when Sammy's life also depended on him living. No, he had gladly given himself up to the yellow eyed demon knowing that at least his sons would carry on the fight. He hated knowing that he would soon put a heavy burden onto Dean's shoulders with the knowledge he had learned about Sammy, that he was one of the psychic children and that if he couldn't save him, he would have to kill him.

_I've lived a life that's full  
I've traveled each and every highway  
And more, much more than this  
I did it my way_

As he continued to watch his boys, he had no regrets about the deal he had made so that his oldest could live. He had lived a full life and now it was his time to sacrifice himself for the greater good. He would always have those memories of Mary and his boys to get him through the time he was going to suffer in hell. He had traveled a long and hard road to get to where he was now, but he did things his way. His didn't listen to the naysayer's who thought he was crazy when he talked about what he saw that fateful night.

_Regrets, I've had a few  
But then again, too few to mention  
I did what I had to do  
And saw it through without exception_

Yes, he had his regrets. How he wished he would have told Sammy how proud he was of him for getting that full ride to Stanford instead of reaming him out about it and telling him that if he left, he was never to come back. Those words had cost him a few years of his baby boy's life, years that he could never get back. Though his pride stood in the way and kept him from calling Sammy and apologizing, it didn't keep him from watching over the kid and doing what he had to do. Sammy never knew, but he made numerous trips to Stanford to make sure his son was safe, that he was happy.

_I planned each chartered course  
Each careful step along the byway  
Oh, and more, much more than this  
I did it my way._

Oh how he remembered planning meticulously for each hunt along the way. He had to be careful since he took his boys along with him. His careful planning would be the only thing standing between them being safe and possibly being killed. As he researched, he charted everything in his journal knowing he wouldn't be around forever. His boys would need his knowledge of the things it took to kill the creatures of the night when he was no longer there to guide them. In essence, his journal would be his legacy, his lasting gift to the boys he was giving his life for.

_Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew  
When I bit off more than I could chew  
But through it all when there was doubt  
I ate it up and spit it out  
I faced it all and I stood tall  
And did it my way_

God knows how many times there were when he thought he had bit off more than he could chew. Every time one of his boys were hurt during the hunt, he wondered if he was doing the right thing. But then he would remember his reason for entering the hunting life and his conviction that he was doing the right thing held firm. He knew there was no way he could go back to his normal life. He had to stand tall in the face of danger, and meet it head on. His boys lives counted on him facing the fight and doing things his way.

_I've loved, I've laughed and cried  
I've had my fails, my share of losing  
And now as tears subsideI find it all so amusing}  
To think I did all that  
And may I say, not in a shy way  
Oh, no, no not meI did it my way._

Sighing as he watched his boys with wistful eyes, he couldn't help but shed a tear. God how he loved them with ever fiber of his being. His heart was shattering at the thought of having to leave them to face the battle alone. Thinking back, he couldn't help but remember the times he had failed them. He had missed so many special events such as Christmas when he should have been there for them instead of out on the hunt. He couldn't help but remember the time he had failed Dean most of all. He was so hard on him after the Shtriga incident when instead he should have pulled Dean into his arms and let him know that things were gong to be okay instead of taking them to Jim's and dropping them off.

Wiping away the silent tears that were beginning to fall, he also remembered the good times. The times he had spent with Dean teaching him to shoot, teaching him to clean a gun, attending Sammy's soccer games the time they had been able to stay in the same place for more than a month. Hell, he had even coached a few of the games when the assistant coach was out sick. Through it all, if there was one thing he could say, it was definitely that he had done things his way.

_For what is a man, what has he got  
If not himself, then he has not  
To say the words he truly feels  
And not the words he would reveal  
The records show I took the blows  
And did it my way  
The records show I took the blows  
And did it my way_

Giving one last pause to think before entering into Dean's room to impart his knowledge before dying, John knew he had done the right thing by the way he raised his boys. If he hadn't raised them as hunters, Dean wouldn't be ready to face the fight ahead for his brother's soul. By staying true to his feelings, he led his boys down the path they needed to take to survive the life that lay ahead of them. Yes, in living that life, he took the blows, but at least he did things his way!


End file.
